Alright, so first of all, I'm not doing so good. I've been really depressed, and not doing good. You remember the girl that I said was the greatest? Yeah, well, we broke up. She figured out that she was still in love with her best friend, Cody, and didn't know what to do. So, when we talked about it, we figured we needed a "break", and since then, I've been not too good. I've been really depressed, but I try to not show it, because the last thing I want is for people to be worrying about me. But I need somewhere to talk to, and since I haven't seen Ms. Amy lately, I thought I would try here.
You see, I don't blame her for what she feels, but you know, it doesn't stop the hurt. It will always hurt. No matter how much I want it to. I know that there is nothing I can do to her feelings, and if he makes her happy, then who am I to say anything about it? I've been in that situation, and I know it's not a good situation. All that came out of it for me was a heartbreak, and that's what came out of this one too. But, I'm determined not to let it show.
I haven't been doing good things. I cut for the first time in two years yesterday, and God, it felt horrible, but it got my mind off of the situation. I know that I have friends who care about me, and want the best for me, but I'm not going to be up to par for a while. Just so you all know, I love you, and that I know that you're here for me, but I feel like something has ripped my heart out, and I don't want to go through it again. It hurts, and the only thing that would stop it, is for someone to LOVE me. You know, like, LOVE.
>_< Kayy, I'm done.
Thanks for listening in,
Jessica or Delilah.
this is true, and I also figured it would make you laugh. If I swung that way, I would LOVE you :3
ReplyDeleteBut, as you know, I do not, and guys are just as hard to come by on my end as someone to LOVE you is on yours D:
And don't worry, I read this when I wasn't as sad *snuggs*
D I'm so sorry. About everything. I do love you, but.. he does make me happy. It hurts me too, because I was incredibly happy with you when it started. Remember? Skipping around the house, dancing in the shower? He hasnt ever made me do that (as far as I can remember..). But he has been in my life for.. longer then 8 1/2 YEARS. I can change that. I have loved him since the 6th grade. I thought I was moving past that when we started dating, but apparently it only comes back with a vengance (damn emotions). I'm so SO sorry. (And Yes, I am the one to be apologizing, because I hurt you). I feel so bad about this. I have since I figured out that I still love him. I'm sorry. I wish I could change everything so that you never got hurt. I'm hurting too, because of this guilt. God, I feel so bad about everything. I just want you to know one thing though. I will always love you, and will always be here for you. If you need anything, you can always talk to me. Please dont cut yourself. I have had so many friends do that to themselves, and want to stop. They knew how hard it was to stop, but they managed. If you fall back into that pattern, who says you'll survive? I may not be able to live without Cody in my life, but even if he was there and you had.. you were gone..I would cry so much he would get sick of me. :) I still love you. Forever and Longer. <3
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