Okay. So I haven't posted this week. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing okay. I've been through Hell these past few days. Well, more like Sunday-Tuesday. They were NOT good days at all.
Sunday: I was sitting at the table, on my moms laptop while she was at work, and she comes in and says something about the dishwasher needing loading. I didn't know she was talking TO me. So then she gets all pissy, and said, "Get your ass in her now." I get up, and walk towards the dishwasher and load it. She's still pissed, so she takes the laptop and my phone, and put them away. Then she comes back into the kitchen, and is all like, "What's your problem? You won't let me touch you. You've been all mopey, and non-responsive." I didn't want to tell her what was really wrong, so then I'm like, "Nothing." and then we get into this huge fight, and for the first time in 5 years, my mom laid her hands on me. Abusively. I mean, yeah, she's hit me a couple of times, but she never got that look in her eyes. That look like she's crazy, and I mean that quite literally. My mom used to abuse me, and only me, because I would take the fall for my sister too. Every time, she always got this crazy look in her eyes, and I saw it for the first time in five years Sunday.
To make everything worse, I got into a fight with Amy that night too, which made everything so much worse. I was already having a bad night, and I just didn't want to talk about it. Amy got all defensive, and what not, and we argued/fought. I don't blame her, and I don't blame me. We were both having a bad night. We just happen to go off on each other. After she got off work, we talked, and I finally went to bed around 12, after crying for like an hour.
Monday- Didn't go to school. Mom let me stay home.
Tuesday- More Daisy. We talked, and we sorted things out. Well, kinda. We both came to the conclusion that we weren't going to be in that awkward friend/not friend stage, so we both sucked it up, forgot the past, and moved on. We're friends again, but I still had Sunday hanging over my head. Because there is no way that I'm going to let my guard down around Daisy for a while. She broke that trust, and it's going to take a long time to get that trust back. She was the whole reason for my refusing to tell my mom what was wrong. I let my guard down to Daisy. For the first time to ANYONE. In four years, since 7th grade with the Bethany shit, I let my guard down, and it was broken.
Oh well, I'm not going to be letting my guard down for anyone again. The only people that I would ever consider, and do sometimes, is Amy, Laura, or Katie. The three people that I trust with my life. The three people who have proven to me that they aren't going to leave me. No matter what. I really appreciate them. They are pretty much the best people I know. Thank you guys. I love you, and I don't know what I would do without you.
Thanks for listening in,
Jessica or Delilah ♪♫♥
This comment better work. Not to repeat you, but you're one of the best people I know too! Like i always tell Sami, we really only appreciate the ones with hearts, and you have one. That's very rare. That's why I treasure the people in my life that has one. You know who they all are, so I won't list :3 ILOVEYOUTOOO!
ReplyDeleteI love you too babe!!! <3 I love my beautiful meatball headed firefly goof sun :D
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