bid my blood to run before i come undone.

shit. where do I even begin? I guess with the fact that I've been an awful friend to Amy. I have been just a bitch, and I know that she doesn't deserve my friendship. I feel like i treat her like shit and he just takes it. /: I've been stressed out to the max and it's not helping that I should be starting my period so I'm extra bitchy and emotional. The only person that's been able to tolerate anything is my family, and on some days, that's iffy. The other day, Billy said I had changed...and not in the good way. He said that I'm different and not the same person I used to be. Which was a big smash to my self-esteem, cos I'd been in rehabilitation for what? Three months, changing myself for, what I thought was the good, but apparently not. /: So my self-esteem is pretty lacking now. I had been talking to this guy from Wales. He's nineteen and he was sweet, and he'd flirt a lot. Which wasn't okay, because he has a girlfriend. But tonight I confronted him about it. He basically told me to have a good life and that's it. Another blow to my self-esteem cos I wanted to talk about what was bothering me and he doesn't even stay around to listen. I guess I'm just not worth the time to anybody. Every time I have an issue, I know there are like 2 people that'll drop anything to make me feel better and listen to me. I feel like shit. I'm going to be forever alone. Always. /: I'm never going to have somebody to love. I'm just not worth anything to anyone anymore. I remember the time where I practically ha guys lining up to date me, when I was wanted. But, of course, I'm the one that fucks up and makes everybody miserable with my issues. Plus, I moved back to Iowa Park. /: Nobody loves me here. I have no friends here. None. //: Anyway, I need to go to bed. I have graduation practice in the morning. Night. Thanks for listening in, Jess.