haven't really posted about my life lately. i think the last post about something was a month ago. i suppose i should catch up. things are very bipolar at the moment. i don't know what to do, and i don't know how i'm feeling anymore. i guess i'll update.
arturo and i have been together for a month, two weeks, and three days. but i'm not sure how we are. we don't talk much anymore, and it seems like we rarely even IM, so i dunno. i'm thinking about just breaking it off. i can't deal with the non-talking thing. maybe when we actually have time to talk. it seems as though he's always working, and i am busy with theatre and such.
not to mention, my emotions are in over-drive to the point of not being able to feel.
laura and i? where do i begin. i thought we were getting back in the swing of how we were in the second relationship, and the only reason that one ended was because of Cody the asshole, and this time, she won't let it happen because of Andy, and she thinks it won't work. but i think different. i know we could make this work. because she's not as in love with Andy as she was Cody. i was reading over our old blog posts, and it seems like it's so fake. like, it was never real. how could it have been? everything she said about how I made her feel, is the way she feels about Andy. so how do i know if she ever meant it? how do i know that she even loves me? i don't know. i'm just selfish, i suppose. i'm selfish for wanting happiness. i'm selfish for wanting to be loved. it seems i always fall in love with the wrong people.
i was at shayla's house a couple of nights ago, and she had some of my spirals from freshman year, and it amazes me how immature i was. i was willing to do anything for bethany. i would've jumped off a cliff for her. it was ridiculous. i hate how i was, and i don't know how i'm feeling about myself these days. i'm borderline hate/dislike. i'll get over it, though. i just need therapy.
GIST- i'm pointlessly in love.
thanks for listening in,
Jessica or Delilah. ♥
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