alright, fine.

Okay, so things have been rough over the course of four days. It feels as thought I've been through a break-up that never actually happened. Laura and I are no longer speaking, for reasons that are unclear to me. She things we need room to grow, and being friends, that wasn't happening. She told me that she things we shouldn't talk for a while, maybe possibly never again. It felt as though my heart was going to shatter. My chest got tight, and I couldn't breathe. I cried for almost 2 hours or so, went to sleep, dreamed, and then woke up, cried some more. It feels as though I'm missing an important organ in my life, something that keeps me alive. I mean, we were friends for FIVE years. Five, extraordinary years, and then this. *sigh* I don't know...I just miss talking to her everyday, I miss her presence in my life. Hell, I even miss the fighting. I miss a lot about her. I've been very open about my emotions, letting them out instead of bottling them up inside, and containing them, like I used to do. I let myself cry, and FEEL the emotions, which was hard. I guess the actual realization that she's not coming back won't hit until it hits. Cos, I'll completely shatter into a million pieces. I know I will, and I'll let myself do it. It's a good thing that I have such a good support system.

Speaking of good things, I have this guy in my life, and yes, he's long-distance. Anyway, he's Billy's best friend....>.> Which I know it's some unwritten law that you can't date your ex's best friend, but technically, we're not dating, we just have really strong feelings for each other, but it's complicated. He's sweet though, amazingly nice, and is so funny(which is one of my "turn-ons" I guess you could say.) I love a guy with a great sense of humor. Anyway, he's amazing. I like him a lot. Martha keeps saying to find a guy around here, but it's Texas. Where the Hell am I going to find a guy that's worth anything, and not a redneck hick ? I signed up for a dating site a few weeks ago, and I've met a few guys, but mostly cowboys, and rednecks. I dunno. I did it for the laughs, and for something to do while I was bored. But I'm talking to Michael, and I know that he has really strong feelings for me, even though when we bring them up in SERIOUS convo, he tries to change the subject. Haha. Anyway, I'm rambling.

I'll post more about whatever later.

Thanks for listening in,
     Jessica. ♥