you put your arms around me, and i'm home.

Some times I feel as though my mind is constantly in overdrive. When I'm finally in a happy place, I think and I think and I make excuses, and I bring myself down. I wish it weren't so. I've been with my boyfriend for three weeks, and an amazing three weeks it has been, and i know i'm in the honeymoon stage, and that everything seems perfect now, but it's not going to stay that way, and I know that, I just don't want to know that. I want everything to stay perfect. Because this has been the happiest I have been in months, and it feels great to feel loved. I mean, he's seen me when I wake up, with my hair a mess, and my breath stinky, and he always knows how to make me smile, and it's sad because when I think of some of the things he says that makes me smile, I always think of Billy, and I don't want to. I want to think of Cameron, and how amazingly sweet and kind he is. I just can't help it, and that makes me feel bad. Because Cameron doesn't deserve that. He deserves someone who is going to think of him and only him, and I'm not doing that. Because, let's face it; I still love Billy. I always will. It's just difficult for me, but I'm not going to run away. I'm going to face this, and get over him. Cameron is going to help me do that...he may not know it, but he is. I'm tired of feeling this way about Billy, because he uses it to his advantage. He knows how he makes me feel, and he most definitely takes advantage of that. Anyway, I'm going to go do something productive, and not sit around and think when it makes me upset.

Thanks for listening in,
   Jessica ♥