hell yeah, level up! lev-lev-level up!

It's officially a new year, and that means new beginnings. My New Year's resolution is to continue to be stable on my medication and to stay in this relationship as long as I can. I have a few little ones, but I'm not going to focus too much on them, because they're probably not going to happen anyway. I just want to focus on the process of making myself a better person, and I know I've come a long way from last year, but some times I still wonder. Wonder where I would be if I hadn't changed. If I hadn't gone away, and gotten better. But I'm glad I did, because it all worked out for the best. I'm a much happier person and I feel like I've accomplished a lot in my life. I'm a whole lot more confident in myself, and I see myself alive in the future, which used to be a difficult feat for me. I used to be so sure that I was going to be dead in the next 6, 8, 12 months. But not anymore; I see myself as alive and successful, and that makes me so happy. It also warms my heart and soul knowing that I have someone to spend it with. Cameron and I have been together 3, almost 4 months, and things have gotten so much better in my life. I see myself with a future with him. I see us having kids and being happy. I love the fact that I can be myself around him, and he doesn't care...and I know how hard it is to be around me when I cycle. I'm not a pleasant person to be around, and it makes me smile to know that he'll be there for me through it all, and that he's not going to leave me because I'm bipolar. With the knowledge that I'm bipolar and being able to still be there for me....it takes a wonderful person to do that.

I know that these last few posts have talked about him, but I'm serious when I say he's going to be the person I spend the rest of my life with. I've never felt so happy...so safe around someone. I know he's my one. He's the only one for me. It's not like the previous relationships I've had. I don't have to throw my heart on the ground, bleeding for him, to get him to love me. The only thing I have to do is be myself, and I'm good. Something I posted on Facebook a month or so ago

it's funny...when you used to love someone, it was like nothing else mattered...and then when that person says they don't love you anymore, you're crashing into reality and everything is a blur. until you meet someone else. and the cycle continues...half the time, i say i've been in love with people...but if love never dies, i really haven't been IN love with anyone...because everyone that i thought i was in love with, i don't feel anything when i see them, talk to them, look at them. i feel nothing. i think, in reality, those who i "loved" were only preparing me for someone worth actually loving. and i have most definitely found someone worth loving. because he treats me like an equal. there has been no drama. there has been no fighting. and i feel like if I'M the one to let go, HE'LL be the one to hold on. but i'm not going to let go. because if i've found someone worth my love, then there is no way i can let that go. so, i guess what i'm trying to say is; thank you to those i "loved." you've made me someone worth loving. :)

 All of that is completely true about how I feel about him.

Anyway, thanks for listening,
     Jessica. ♪♫