Planet earth turns slowly.........too slowly.

I found out something. Daisy's dying. Seriously. She won't tell me why or what, but she told me that. I'm worried. Jenna and I were talking, and I want Daisy to know how I feel. For real. But something else happened. Jordan prolaomed that he "loved Daisy more than a sister". I am furious. I don't know what else to feel. I know that if she were to start dating again, she would immediately go for him, because he's more important to her. I know that I shouldn't say that, but somewhere, I know that it is true, and that's what's keeping me from telling her how I feel. Because there would be no way that I can't do it without bringing up Daisy and Jordan. Or Daisy and Connor. Which by the way, they broke up again. This time probably for good since the whole "dying" thing is keeping her from dating now. It makes me sad that I never got my chance. I never got my chance to prove how much I love her. I want that chance, but I know that I'm not going to get it. I'm going to have to accept that and move on. I know, I know. I'm being really stupid about this, but hell, what else am I supposed to be feeling? Things are going to be agonizing when she dies, and it's going to be more painful if I don't get to tell her how I feel.

The doctors told her that she probably not going to live to her 17th birthday. So I don't have very long. 8 months until her 17th. That is not a long time, if you look at it. I don't have that much longer with Daisy, and I want it to make it the best. Jordan is supposedly going to take her to France, and Jenna is going to take her to Cali. Daisy said she wanted her body cremated and thrown into the Atlantic Ocean so she can see the world. I thought that was very fitting for Daisy. But I also think that it is very good. Very good of her to know that she is going to live on to see the world. I just wish that there was something like that, that I could do for her. But since my mom doesn't like Daisy, I doubt she would spend any money on her. Looks like I'm going to have to get a job, and save up.

I gave Daisy her present, and she loved it. That makes me happy. It makes me happy to know that I've made an impact in her life. Even if it was small. I'm just glad.

I started journaling again. I mean, in a journal. It's not fun. It was Ms. Amy's idea, and so I started it, but ever since then, my mom has been bugging the shit out of me, and it really pisses me off. "Have you journaled?" "Did you write about this in your journal?" "You should add this to your journal." "Blah blah blah, journal, blah blah blah." It's actually quite aggravating.

Thanks for listening in,
    Jessica or Delilah ♥